Heather Moreno author

How to be happier, make big changes and feel better

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For longer than I care to admit, when I thought about how to be happier my mind went to my job. My body. My relationships. That is, once I graduated. Got a job I liked. Left a job I hated. Lost the last 10 lbs. Then I would be happier. 

I dutifully held my feet to the fire. Found fault in what I did wrong so I could redirect my efforts. And, of course, repeated my positive affirmations. So why wasn’t I happier? Or more satisfied? 

Well, I was doing it wrong. Giving up when I made a mistake made me feel worse than the mistake itself. Chastising myself didn’t make me do better. And then when a happy thing did happen, it didn’t make me happier. At least not for long. 

Today, I feel better than I ever have and am making bigger changes in my life. I’ve figured a lot of things out along the way, and books are part of that journey. Here are three that helped me and I continue to refer back to the concepts in each of them. (And pinky swear, I read them all the way through!)

The How of Happiness: The best news from Sonja Lyubomirsky’s work is that we control up to 40% of our happiness. Research indicates that we’re born with about 50% of our “happiness setpoint.” Only 10% is related to circumstances, like a cash windfall or diagnosis. The rest is up to us and Sonja offers ten happiness activities to consider, based on your individuality. I especially like her work on gratitude, that goes beyond the typical advice. (BTW, I got to meet Sonja in 2019 when we both spoke at the MSMU Women’s Leadership Conference. I geeked out a little.)

Photo by Andre Furtado: https://www.pexels.com/photo/woman-in-red-floral-shirt-lying-on-grass-field-1429395/

One Small Step Can Change Your Life: As a recovering perfectionist, this book offers practical advice for making big changes through small steps. Do you ever start out gung ho with, say, eliminating sugar, but then eat an Oreo and then think “what’s the use?” If you feel like “change is hard” Robert Maurer shows you that it doesn’t have to be. 

Self-Compassion, The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself: At least  92% of clients who coach with me need more self-compassion. If you’re over 50, for sure you’ve come to believe that chastising yourself for a Cheetos binge will prevent you from buying the next bag. Yeah, not so much. Kristen Neff shows how to be happier and healthier by being kind to yourself. Treat yourself like you would a good friend and you’re more likely to break out of unhelpful patterns. 

There you have it, proven strategies for how to be happier, make big changes and feel better about yourself. One small step at a time. 

Do we know what a healthy lifestyle actually is?

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For fun I googled “Healthy Lifestyle” and in under a second it found 1.4 billion results.

One point four billion.

The top result was Web MD, offering a summary of advice that won’t surprise you. All good recommendations, including laughter and yoga, but nothing earth shattering.

Buried at the tail end of the article is what I find to be the author’s key takeaway:

“(1) Your list of healthy lifestyle behaviors may be different from mine. (2) The most important thing to remember is that you can make a difference in your health and well-being. (3) Take charge of your life, and be mindful of small behavior changes that can make your lifestyle a healthier one.”

Here’s why:

(1) How you define a healthy lifestyle and how you achieve it will likely not be the same as those around you. Even those in your immediate household, and that’s okay. While looking to others for ideas a support is helpful, you’ll want to have your own plan and strategies that work for you.

(2) Research shows lifestyle factors greatly improve our health. We have control!

(3) It’s like compound interest…small steps lead to big results.

A healthy lifestyle is so much more than freedom from disease. I wrote a book in 2005 called Achieving Physical Wealth, where I said:

But we must each answer the essential question: What does a healthy lifestyle mean to you and why do you want it?

Do you want to travel when you’re 80? Have energy for more than what you’re doing now? Fit comfortably in your pants? Hike with your sweetie? Be free of medications? Let someone carry your groceries because you want to, not because you have to?

You know how it is. Thinking you should do something because it’s good for you isn’t terribly motivating. I found that out myself – again! – just recently.

I want to offer two options to decide what a healthy lifestyle looks like for you, and why it’s important:

  1. Health may be one of your top values, which makes the motivation more obvious. Still, define your motivation, then plan your course. Or…
  2. Health may serve a different value, like adventure. Health allows you to live out the other values that are most important to you.

A healthy lifestyle is so much more than freedom from disease. I wrote a book in 2005 called Achieving Physical Wealth: 8 simple steps to breaking the rules of staying fit, where I said:

“Physical wealth is about your whole life: your energy, confidence, vitality, endurance, strength, health, self-esteem… the way you live your life, how you feel day to day, and how you feel about yourself, and how that impacts every area of your life.  Physical wealth is living the life you are meant to have every single day.”

Now that’s a healthy lifestyle!

8 Quick & Easy Ways to Kickstart Feeling Better and Getting Fit.

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