Do you know what it’s really about?

I was discussing with a group of clients the difference between our thoughts and facts, a concept that can take a while to really understand. And one coaching client said it brilliantly:

“It’s not what’s going on; it’s what I think about what’s going on.”


When we think it’s about “what’s going on” we give power to what’s “out there.” That’s when we blame our feelings and actions on something or someone outside of us. You know…

  • My coworker needed last-minute help on a project…I had to work overtime.
  • He always runs late…it makes me so mad.
  • She offered me wine…I didn’t want to be rude and say no.
  • The office manager brought in a box from the Brown Butter Cookie Company…those are my kryptonite!
  • It was too dark when I got home…I couldn’t go for my walk.

Notice that the locus of control is outside of you: a co-worker, friend, partner, food, time of day.

Here’s the thing. You can give away that control, and most people would nod in agreement as you told your story. But does it get you what you want?

And if it’s a rarity, probably no biggie.

But if you regularly locate responsibility for your feelings and behaviors outside of yourself, you’ll stay stuck.

Did you hear that?

If we blame other people and things for the fact that we’re not keeping our commitments to ourselves – essentially, not making ourselves a priority – there will always be something or someone to blame. And that doesn’t require any change on our part.

And, we stay stuck.

Any of those examples resonate somewhat? Take a look at where you might be using “what’s going on” as an excuse for not following through. For not doing all the things.

In his book, The Big Leap, Gay Hendricks talks about conflict in relationships and the idea that “if both people will claim 100 percent responsibility, there’s a possibility of ending the conflict.”

What if we take 100 percent responsibility for our thoughts, feeling, and actions? Not so that we can beat the crap out of ourselves, but so we can reclaim the power of our decisions.

I was teaching a group of clients around the difference between our thoughts and facts, when one coaching client said it brilliantly...
Photo by Brett Jordan on Unsplash

What difference would that make in your health and weight loss? For that matter, in your work and relationships, too?

Give it a week. Take 100 percent responsibility for all of it. How can you use that to significantly move yourself forward?

Do you know what to expect?

Heather Moreno weight loss coach

For months we’ve anticipated re-entry. That is, getting back to normal life. We think we know what to expect.

Seeing family and friends. Parties. Kids back in school. Eating in a restaurant. Breathing in public without a mask. Maybe, even, shaking someone’s hand.

In the beginning we thought by summer. Then fall. Then we had hope for 2021.

And now we’ve got a vaccine.

AND reports of a new strain.

What we expect keeps changing. That’s because we don’t control the circumstances.

So, if we want our expectations met, we must base them on what we control.

When I ask high achieving women their biggest concern about re-entry, they tell me this: “I don’t want to get back on the wheel.” I resonate so deeply with that. Simultaneously I wonder if it’s possible.

Of course, it is. But what kind of person do I need to be to make that happen? Will I make the hard choices?

Is keeping my commitments to myself and my well-being worth the discomfort of disappointing other people?

Am I willing to make the tradeoffs necessary to make ME a priority? Are you?

Right now, our experience is tinged with what we’re missing out on (e.g., in person connection) and what we feel we have to do (e.g., keep kids engaged in online school while also working 40+ hours).

But the time will come when the familiar threatens to pull us back into over-doing. Over-committing. Over-booking. Which means WE have to be different to make meaningful change.

For months we’ve anticipated getting back to normal. First, we thought by summer. But, we really don't know what to expect. It keeps changing.
Photo by Aleks Marinkovic on Unsplash

Ask these three questions:

  1. What am I learning about myself during this time? “Good” or “bad,” isn’t relevant. Did you learn that you’re more of a homebody than you thought? That you love the gym way more than you realized? That you use food to procrastinate? Everything we’re willing to learn can move us in a positive direction.
  2. What will I incorporate into what’s next? There may be aspects of life during the pandemic that you’ve welcomed. For example, I think of all the people I know who have taken this time to de-clutter and minimize their possessions. It will take intentionality to keep these pieces integrated into your life as circumstances change.
  3. No matter what, am I willing to make myself a priority? This question is ALWAYS relevant. Some of you decided in 2020 that it was time to invest in your health and well-being. Others of you were challenged with exercise and found yourselves in the pantry a little too often, and you want to change that. It takes re-committing to yourself regularly when life is coming at you fast.

We don’t know what to expect of the world, the virus, or the realities dictated to us by others, near and far. Plus, when we have expectations, we’re usually disappointed.

What do we control? We control our thoughts about all the things. We control our response to all the things. That’s it.

And that’s A LOT.

Are you only helping women now?

Heather Moreno

A former male client asked me that.

He liked my blogs, yet increasingly my writing sounded like I was talking to women.

Apparently, my messaging was getting through. Yay. Which leads me to…

I’m officially launching my re-invented site!

After 20 years in business, it’s not too late to re-visit my online presence and how I’m engaging my audience. In fact, it was the perfect time.


Because I’ve reached that age where most women think it’s too late to lose the weight.

It’s not.

Because I know what it’s like to be critical of my body.

It sucks.

Because I hate seeing smart women struggle with their weight and obsess about food.

They have more important things to focus on.

Heather Moreno
Heather Moreno

I’m getting serious. No BS about counting carbs, calories, or going keto. We’re not talking diets. None of that works for long-term results. What we actually do is access your brain’s super power so you can lose weight and keep it off.

I’m being playful. Because we’re too hard on ourselves. And it doesn’t work. I’ve never had a client shame herself into her ideal weight. Or beat herself into a life and body she loves.

I share success stories from clients just like you. Real women who tackle the same stuff we all deal with. Especially the head stuff when it comes to weight and their bodies. They changed their minds. Their bodies followed.

So, we’re digging in and getting it done. Together. Once. And. For. All.

This launch is about freedom. You don’t need more willpower. You are not the number on the scale. You can enjoy food, love life, and feel like yourself again.

It’s not too late for you, either. You say you’ve tried many times before and failed? Doesn’t matter. Let’s re-invent together.

Are you ready? Check it out! Schedule a no-obligation Strategy Session here.

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