It’s not fair!

I’ve had headaches almost every day. For the past forty years. 

I’ve spent a lot of time and a lot of money trying to figure “it” out. Other people have given me advice, sometimes unsolicited. And I’ve tried a lot of it. Always hopeful that something will be the answer. 

I repeated the story to myself for decades about how I’ve “tried everything” and complaining that considering everything I do and how healthy I am, that I should feel better than I do.

Bottom line? It’s not fair.

Then a few years ago I made a decision. My pity party wasn’t working. So instead, I would rewrite my past. 

Notice one of my complaints: “considering everything I do and how healthy I am…”

You see, health and wellness is my profession, but it doesn’t come to me naturally. I didn’t grow up with it. My family wasn’t athletic, or even active. I hated PE. I ate Pop Tarts for breakfast. And chocolate every day. (No, not the healthy dark variety – I’m not sure it was a thing in the 80s.)

So how did I get to where I am now, someone who is healthy, fit and active? 

My headaches.

Photo by Ivan Aleksic on Unsplash

It’s crazy to consider. But had I not been in pain I would have no need for answers. I may not have sought health to the extent I have. Or at all. 

Or maybe I would have.

But I get to choose my story about my past – as we all do – so I’ve made it a powerful one. One where the experience of headaches led me to an interest in health and fitness that’s lasted decades. As a result, I take great care of my body. I’m in excellent shape and in phenomenal health. Every year it’s better!

Now that’s a story worth repeating to myself. 

When I’m in pain I’ve learned to have self-compassion and take care of my needs in the moment. I can be honest with myself and not fall into pity or self-indulgent behaviors.

I don’t go so far as to say my headaches “happened for a reason.” That’s not a way of thinking I find helpful. (If you do, then absolutely use it.) For me, it’s deciding that my headaches ultimately produced results I like. That is, they’re not all bad. So why complain about them? 

Is there a story that you keep repeating, that keeps you stuck? One that doesn’t feel good? Take ten minutes to brainstorm how you might rewrite the story. Consider what you want “it” to mean. What goodness can you eke out of it? Then eke a little more. Until it’s a story that you find worth telling yourself. Over and over again.

2 thoughts on “It’s not fair!”

  1. Heather..Im sorry you suffer with headaches…

    Anxiety and Fear..
    Seems to poke its head up…when Im scared..or in pain.
    Going to a doctor is a can trigger this for me still… I say still because it will be addressed at my next therepy session with EMDR…and soon will be delt with on a deeper level…releasing anger and guilt.

    Learning to retrain my nueropathways with all different vibrations…meditation, visualizing
    my new thoughts and feelings…riding through feelings and rewriting my life as I envision it ❤
    Pain indicates more than just physical injury.. it can be from childhood trauma too… Im finding that whatever the origin of source , for me it is to be listened too without judgment.
    Im no longer going to abandon or deny my self love because another or my critical self is uncomfortable with complaints.
    Thier mine and i own them.
    And to complain about pain is a state of suffering or distress… and how eles do we get help from another person or source or ourselves..unless its acknowledged??.
    ..can you imagine going to a doctor and telling him…oh no doctor im not going to complain…u have to guess whats wrong with me. Not very effective or helpful to myself or the doctor…

    But ,After 30 plus years of insanity…doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results..
    I decided to find solutions… may or may not work 100 % of time…im okay with this…and
    Im not giving up!!
    For me solution is a combination of tools..or…remedies.
    Eastern and Western medicine…
    Wellness Coaching
    Therapy EMDR
    Louise Hays Books
    Sound bath’s
    Creating a loving space for myself.
    And practicing Gratitude and Forgiveness.
    And at times changing playmates and play grounds.

    Like me, unique and specific to my life.
    What an incredible empowering way to see pain as a gauge??
    Basicly I had to Get sick and tired of being sick and tired…yes, I reached my bottom.

    Today I have a Story of how I will work “through” anxiety , fear …and pain.
    I will and do find solutions…and serenity.
    I thank my pain and complaining for guidance to answers… and thank myself for communication of any form. I have tools that translate.
    Called…Wellness and Therapy schooling on the thoughts…❤❤

    Take away…
    Watching my words and thoughts..
    encouraging only love and kindness towards myself..
    I know my words and thoughts have power… so i practice daily …breathing in love breath out fear Im Healing
    And so it is!


    • Thank you for sharing a piece of your journey, Charlotte. You new Story sounds like one that serves you well and honors the woman you are today, and the woman you are becoming more of each and every day. So beautiful.


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